| Dancing In My Living Room |
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(how we almost live out loud) So, you know you are great, right? Yep, me too… I’ve read lots of self-help books and done many seminars (I even teach some classes on the subject, myself). Still, I catch myself every now and again, not quite living as loudly as I could… You may have read my blog posts from the past few years. When I started writing them, I was married, lived in a beautiful home with 10 acres of land around it, was building my coaching business from home, while simultaneously taking care of my two young daughters. At the time, I was struggling with how to fully express myself, knowing I had so many qualities that I wasn’t showing anyone. Worse, restraining and restricting myself cost me so much energy that I barely had any left for enjoying my family or any other part of my life. As things go when you are in a relationship with someone, if one is not performing or feeling well, it has its effect on the other person. My husband at the time and I both realized that we were keeping ourselves too small and that it was time for both of us to play a bigger game. Separately. We divorced, and as far as that process went, it was as amicably as it possibly could. (I hear from others how hard and difficult theirs was and I feel so very blessed that we were able to dissolve our marriage without the usual hate and resentment.) Soon after moving out I realized that my coaching business wouldn’t allow the financial stability that I would need to raise my family, so I went out and found a job. Working for a vocational college allowed me to coach many people towards a new career, which was a real gift. It was great to use my coaching background and skills on a daily basis! In the meantime, I had met a wonderful man via the internet. We met in person, fell in love and we were married within 10 months! As you can imagine, life was going very well and I felt very alive during all this time! Now fast forward a few years. I am very happily married to this wonderful man. We consolidated households, but for that to happen I left my work at the vocational college. And I again found myself at home, taking care of my sick daughter (it was just the flu) and not able to concentrate on what I considered my work: developing my vibrant women- website, looking for paid employment at the same time. Again, I found myself dancing in my living room, instead of out in the street. And the problem was not my dancing (of course!), but the fact that there was nobody to see it! That is the real issue: how do others know, be it employers, friends or family, that you have all these wonderful gifts, know your stuff and can accomplish amazing things, if there is no obvious way for you to express them? There is some interesting research that shows how we become attached to what we are comfortable with, whether or not it is good for us. Have you ever seen an elephant tied to a stake and wondered why the owner uses a simple rope to restrain it? The elephant is certainly powerful enough to easily pull itself loose and disappear, if it would choose to... However, as a young elephant, that rope was indeed strong enough to tether it and gave the elephant its boundaries to how far it could roam. When this elephant has grown up, it doesn’t even occur to it to test these boundaries, for indeed: it has kept him restrained for so long, why would it be different now? This is a powerful parable. Joe Pace, who creates coach programs for vocational colleges, said that when people create change in their lives, the new situation soon feels so uncomfortable that we, without noticing, revert back to our old situation, however uncomfortable that was to begin with. Because we think we can’t handle the newness of the changed environment or behavior, we tend to change back to what we knew ‘for sure’. So, what do you think I learned? By moving to a new city, without the comfort of my job, I reverted back to taking care of my family, building my business from home. And I noticed some familiar circumstances which corresponded with another time in my life: one in which I knew I wasn’t living my purpose as loudly as I could. As I moved into the next phase on my path and continued with creating www.vibrantwomen.com, I found myself stretching the boundaries of my comfort zone again… It takes courage to go out to do and be the me I really want to be. But here’s the kicker: because I have done it before, I always know I can do it again! And that is what being vibrant is about. So, go ahead and dance in your living room, as I like to do. And occasionally allow yourself to be bold and stretch that little rope that might restrain your behavior a little too much at times! You may find, as I continue to do, that through it all you’ll shine more brightly than you thought you could! Originally published in The Network, the Journal of the Center for World Networking, June, 2008 |